HONEY VIZER BIO
Once upon a time,
There was a particularly poisonous & dangerous planet covered
in unholy & toxic volcanoes. Despite all the lava and fire, though, it
never got very hot. In fact, it was just about 65 degrees Fahrenheit all year
round in most places. The climate was just perfect for the ancestors of the
Honey Vizer we know today. The ancestral Honey Vizers were big-boned, meaty
dinosaur-type quadruped creatures with huge leathery wings and splendid
venomous dorsal spikes. Fossils indicate that these proto-Honey-Vizers averaged
about thirty-five feet high at the shoulder.
About 400 million years ago, Honey Vizers first developed the
familiar bipedal stance, and became, for reasons unknown, much smaller in size,
about 15 feet tall on average. The first suggestions of Honey Vizer culture, as
evidenced by sculptures or idols of horned demon figures out of clay and bone,
appeared around 325 million years ago. Yeah, THAT only took 75 million years.
Clearly, Honey Vizers were in no rush. However, they continued, however slowly,
to develop a more technological culture.
The Golden Age of Honey Vizer blossomed suddenly and inexplicably
about 100 million years ago. At this time, almost simultaneously, Honey Vizers
developed long-range space travel, the ability to play basic
accordion/guitar/banjo, an interest in singing human-style, and the
laser-eyes. At this point, it is
conjectured, a Honey Vizer egg was left on Planet Earth, perhaps accidentally.
This Honey Vizer egg lay dormant in Eastern Pennsylvania USA, safe
with its chitinous armored shell among the lightning bugs & sugar maples,
until the end of 1971. At this point, the infant Honey Vizer emerged in the
form of a humanoid larva.
This Honey Vizer’s mature form is almost human in appearance, but the
astute observer can identify several major differences:
a) frequent baldness
b) vestigial wing membranes on the arms (hairlike fibers)
c) a powerful “yelling” or song type call reminiscent of human
singing, but possessing the power to force you to confront your innermost lies
& weaknesses, and strip you of your poser “reason,” land rip your heart
out, leaving you feeling scoured, skinned, gutted, clean & refreshed
d) food-storage “hump” on the abdomen
e) laser eyes
f) retractable poisonous talons
g) dislike of most intoxicants & stimulants (except alcohol,
coffee, sugar, tea)
IF YOU SPOT HONEY VIZER:
Be safe!! Offer peanut M & M’s, or to sing harmony on “There’ll
Be No Teardrops Tonight” by Hank Williams Sr. with her.
Further information updated almost daily
at
The Honey Vizer News site:
and a little more info & a few
more songs at:
http://www.myspace.com/honeyvizer